I have always loved the transparency of blogging. I think we are all more alike than we are different and I have never felt overexposed or judged by posting any of my opinions or experiences. I haven’t blogged since last February. I have tried several times in the last 11 months – to no avail … until now.
Without disrespecting my family’s privacy, I will share that this last year has been huge for us. My husband and I separated and are in the process of divorce. As you can well imagine, the journey of deciding, voicing your decision, managing the logistics of separating a life of 16 years together and trying your best to not break your children’s hearts is … well, sad and difficult. In the end (or rather 10 months later), we are still amicable and figuring this out as we go. I’m not writing this because I actually feel the need to explain my life and certainly not because I think I’m some sort of divorce expert. Its because I think somewhere in there is a small gem worth sharing. This is not a blog of conscious uncoupling (oh please Gwyneth, …). And frankly, if you’re already bored, by all means move onwards. I won’t be offended. If you’re staying for the remainder of the blog, I’ll share this.
It really does suck. In a really big way. WAY more than I thought it would, quite frankly. I had to keep reminding myself that I created my life and even though I wasn’t responsible for anyone else’s actions, I still massively contributed to where I was at. It’s impossible not to. That meant that I couldn’t really blame anyone else (okay, I did a little bit – for a little while, but ultimately I had to step up and acknowledge to myself where I stopped short of my best self). We were fairly open with our kids (they are growing up, but they are still kids and don’t need to know the grown up details), but mostly we just loved the shit out of them. It seems to be working. Prior to our divorce, our home life was pretty typical of most and wasn’t filled with a lot of volatility or arguing, but kids are masters at reading the energy of an environment. By the way, kids KNOW – even when they don’t consciously realize it. We’d all be wise to remember that.
And now? I’m cautiously saying that I think our boys are happier, feel more loved, are more grateful for their lives and are more connected to both of us. And here’s my piece in this. I did it the most holistic way I knew how – for all 3 of us. We were adjusted … a lot (much love to Dr. Warner). I knew that we were needing more support on every level and I did what I knew best. I tried my best to keep their nervous system free from additional stress. We did a lot of homeopathy (Dr. Monica Frohmann & friends), essential oils (Young Living), reiki (Jodi Watson), emotional work for my boys (Mickey Eves & Deborah Johnson), exercise (daily), yoga often (it deserves its own shout out), great quality food, nutritional support (Jenn Pike & friends), acupuncture (recent),constant connection with the Earth (cottaging, hiking, swimming) and lots and lots of human touch (and yes, I’m proud of the fact that my 12 & 13 year old boys still want to cuddle).
For me, it involved all of that and the right to say yes to what feels right and no to what doesn’t. No explanation needed and often not given. I have let myself go to those really sad places when need be and I don’t feel bad about experiencing the joy … and frankly, sometimes it feels like I’m oscillating far too much between those 2 places. I’ve called upon my closest friends to remind me of what I know about myself and about life … and mostly I’ve tried to be as honest as I can with myself and my kids. Ah YES< I have heard some background noise from those that know of me, but don't truly know me and that too has reminded me that what others think of me is not my business. I have reminded myself that my divorce is unsettling for our loved ones/friends/family and sometimes their reaction and response (how horribly inappropriate at times … I have to laugh at a few recent memories), isn't really about me. Its because we all reflect on our own experiences and answer from a personal place. It really is okay.
In the end, many of us won't face divorce, but I assure you that you will face adversity. If I can share anything small I would say to trust that it will all turn out exactly the way it's supposed to. Love yourself with your whole heart. Let yourself be fallible. Be open to helping hands and loving hearts. Smile inwardly. Practice gratitude. Be open.
Here's to 2015.
Next up? A whole lot of my usual blogging about food, travel, Chiropractic, big life and big experiences. Thank god.